Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
