the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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