Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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