He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
