u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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