What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
