We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
