The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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