I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
