This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
