so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I love you. Go after that dick
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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