I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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