i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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