I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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