Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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