Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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