dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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