evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
