Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
