That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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