Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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