so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
me + whiskey = a bad person
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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