btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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