I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
