I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
