He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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