They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
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