he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
smell my finger.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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