So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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