i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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