I just made out with a guy for $7.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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