We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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