a search helicopter?!
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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