She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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