Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
