i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
