apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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