Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
