the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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