My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
