My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
