Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
