guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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