His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
