I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
