i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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