after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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