My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
