Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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