i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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