i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I skipped work to stalk him.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
