I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
