Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Randomize
