alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
