I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
whose parrot is this?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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