I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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