you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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