one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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