Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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