I hate your face
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
me + whiskey = a bad person
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